Shit happens

Some days are just the shits. Like last night, when I went upstairs to tuck the kids in. I was helping Hudson in the bathroom when Paisley said to me, "Mom, Madden's wall is all brown." I just said, "Oh really" and carried on. Then she came back in and said, "No mom!! Madden said it's poop!" So I rush in, and sure enough, there is shit smeared all over the wall.

I was SO mad. And so grossed out. The child is 3 years old now. I should not have to be dealing with his feces wiped all over the wall. I know that he gets into everything, but really?! His own poop?? He's never done anything like this before! UGH. I obviously promptly cleaned (that shit) up, and told  him he'd lost his DVD collection for the night. (He sleeps with them). Thinking back, that probably wasn't the most logical consequence for his behavior, but at the time, I was so mad...and that was the only thing I could think of. Really, that's punishment for us, but whatev. We can deal.

After I got everything cleaned and bleached, all four kids tucked in, I walked downstairs to clean up the house a bit. I saw the bathroom garbage can sitting on top of the counter...sure enough, it was full of water, toilet paper and stickers. Like, for real?! I just want them to stop making messes like this!! After a long day, I don't have time for anything beyond the norm.

So, I picked up a few toys and random things still left on the floor, and then somehow, I accidentally made my way to the fridge for some moscato. Oh, and a Cadbury Egg. And this happened. (and yesssss, I realize my wine glass has dishwasher water marks on it. Deal. #ittastesthesame)

And it felt good. I'm not gonna lie, it helped. I don't often cope with life with wine...but clearly, I should try it more. Maybe if I drink a few more, I'll forget how much it sucks to clean poop off the walls?

Then I texted my mom and asked her if I was really that bad as a child. I was just wondering if this is payback for something. Obviously she said I was an angel and never did anything wrong! Duh.  

Drink Up!
XOXO,
B

Can you relate?

Scenario(s):

I'm cooking

I'm changing a diaper

I'm unloading the dishwasher

I'm getting dressed

I'm putting clothes in the washer

I'm doing my makeup

I'm talking to my husband

I'm putting groceries away

 

It doesn't matter what I'm doing... I get...

 

MOM, LOOK AT THIS!

MOM, SEE WHAT I CAN DO?!

MOM!
MOM, HELP ME!

MAMA!

MOM, HE HIT ME!
MOMMY!

MOM, LOOK AT THIS!

MOM, SEE WHAT I MADE?!

MOM!

MAMA!
MOM, GUESS WHAT?!

MOM!

MOM, WATCH ME!

MOMMMMMYYY!

 

OH EM GEE. It's like a I am being pecked to death by a bunch of ducklings!! I'm sure some day I will long for them to talk to me and need me like this, but I'm not kidding when I say that the word 'mom' is probably said 400 times per day. It's ridic.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom. Love it. But the constant momomomomomomomomomomom can stop. I'm really okay with that.
I hope I'm not the only one who is being pecked to death....a long, slow death. :)

Love you, P, H, M & E-- I promise, I do!
 

Sleep

I don't know about you, but I love me some sleep. I literally used to crawl into bed and say out loud, "I love you bed." Most people consider themselves a morning or a night person. I am neither. I like to sleep in, and I like to go to bed at a decent time too. But guess what? In 2007, that love of sleep went BUB-BYE. Forever, I think.

With four children, I'm bound to get up at least once a night for one reason or another. I'm not gonna lie, there are nights I do get to sleep through the night now that I don't have an infant. But let me tell you (I earned it) that Paisley didn't sleep through the night until she was 10 months old, Madden until 8 months, Hudson at 7 months, and Everleigh...our best sleeper, 6 weeks. It was long few years with no sleep. And when I say no sleep, I mean it. When you have nursing twins, you'll understand. And if you never have nursing twins, consider yourself lucky. And well rested.

But see how cute they are when they are asleep?

But many nights, I'm up. Sometimes it's a legit reason. Sometimes it's not. Last night, I woke to a loud, "MOOOOMM!" I got up, stood next to the twins' door and waited. I didn't hear anything else, so I was just going to go back to bed. Then something made me go in and check. Sure enough, Madden was sitting up, with puke everywhere! UGH! After cleaning up the bedding, pillows, pajamas, etc and starting laundry at 3am, I went back to bed. Then I heard something else, so I went to check it out. It was a bare-bottomed Hudson, standing on a toy, looking in the dresser with his flashlight. He wanted some different jammies (smh). After dealing with that, I went back to bed, again. About 5 minutes later, another loud, "MOOOOM!". I rush in expecting to see more puke. Hudson says to me, "Mom. My blanky hit me." -- REALLY?! Go. To. Bed. I am tired!

More than once, Paisley has woken me from a dead sleep to tell me that her pinky itches. Guess, what? At midnight, I could care less that your pinky finger itches. Tell one of your stuffed animals, this mom is sleeping!! Or the best is when you roll over, and awake to a child standing at the side of your bed! Scares the shit out of you!!

Between the husband's loud snores, the kids having to go potty, my leg pain (I have Schwannomatosis that keeps me up a lot at night), sickness, losing toys down the crack of the bed and other nonsense. I long for sleep again. I dream about the days when I have to yell to get the kids out of bed, because that means, I got to sleep in.
The whole sleeping through the night business though...that might be gone. I understand my kids will always need me for something in the night. And when they're old enough to be out with friends, I'm sure I'll be awake worrying. Especially because the room that the twins share has easy access to sneaking out. And lord knows that these two will master any lock we place upon those windows.

Oh, sleep. I miss you. Until that day when you come back into my life, I guess I'll get by with big bags under my eyes, several cups of coffee, no energy, big yawns and the distant memory of what we once had. You made me happy. Come back again, soon. Okay?!
 

A letter to you, lady

Dear THAT mom,

 

I saw you and your child at the store the other day. I'm not sure what's going on in your world right now. You might be under a boat load of stress, maybe you're homeless, or maybe you just had a death in the family. I get it, I don't know you, or your story. Some serious stuff might be going on.

 

But what I do know, is that the way you spoke to your child tonight at the store, will affect him forever. The way you told him to shut up, will be embedded in who he is for the rest of his life. When you told him 'you aint gettin nothin you little brat', he didn't deserve it. When you told him to 'just sit the eff down', and he didn't listen, so you abruptly stopped the cart which made him sit fall down, is not okay.

 

This is your child. He looks up to you and relies on your for everything. Emotional growth included. And what you are doing to him is not okay. I wanted to come up to you and tell you these things in person, but given what I know about people in general, this wouldn't have been a good idea. I also just wanted to give your child a hug. He clearly needs it.

When you treat your child the way I saw you treat him in public, makes me really sad. Do you realize that this little guy loves you with all he has, and when you swear at him and treat him so poorly, that you are breaking his social emotional self? His ability to regulate his emotions is effected. The way he will treat others, and expect to be treated is based on you. You have a really important job, and I don't think you understand how your actions impact your child, my children's friends, and my community.

 

I'm not saying you are a bad person. What I'm saying is that you need to find a better way to deal with your stress, rather than taking it out on your child. We all have bad days, and we all say and do things that we shouldn't. However, based on my observations of you and your child, this wasn't the first, nor the last time. Your child didn't look upset or surprised, which tells me that the interaction between you two is typical. And that makes me scared and sad for your child. Do you realize that the events in his childhood lay the foundation for who he is and how he responds to future experiences?

 

So THAT mom, please try to understand I'm coming from a good place. I don't know your child, but I care about him. If life is difficult for you right now, reach out for help. Your child doesn't deserve wonder how he will be treated. Or worse yet, expect to be treated like I saw you treat him. 

You don't have to parent this way, it's your choice. And hopefully, some day soon, you choose different. 

 

Sincerely,

THIS mom

Happy Valentines Day

 Happy Valentines Day!

 I love love. I definitely don't love the cheesiness of Valentines Day, but the actual feeling of being/falling in love is amazing. I'm pretty sure I've fallen in love 9 times. I fell in love with Craig waaaaay back in 1996. It was an omg I cannot spend one minute apart from him, kind of love.

 

Then in 2007, I fell in love with Miss P. She stole my heart. I knew I would fall in love with her, but I loved her with my entire soul. She was my everything. But that same day, I fell in love with Craig all over again. Watching him become a dad made me have such a different love for him. It wasn't the 'can't spend one minute apart' love, but it was the kind of love that makes your heart explode. Watching him fall in love with our daughter made me love him in such a different way. And again (twice) in 2010 and 2011, I had the pleasure of falling in love with H, M and E, and Craig all over again each time.

 

Valentines Day for me, isn't about getting flowers and candy. Flowers, in my opinion, are kinda a waste of money. And I do love me some candy, but then I just obsess about eating it, and that's stupid. Valentines Day is about showing the kiddos what our family traditions are. It's about hearing those little voices say, I wuv you mommy. It's about not taking each other for granted. It's about recognizing that there are people in your life who love you, whether it's your mom, grandma, husband or best friend. It's about convincing your husband it's a great idea to give you a nice, long back rub without complaining that his hands are tired. It's about knowing that the little things that drive you crazy don't matter in the long run, and that the little things you love, do.

 

 

I feel so lucky to have love 4 times in my heart--the deepest kind...unconditional, love you forever no matter what, kind of love. And I am more than blessed to feel the love back from them. (except when Madden tells me he loves Grandma Brenda more than me. Little stink.) And I feel really lucky to still, after 17 years, love my partner in crime. My baby daddy. My G money.

 

I hope you are finding love today. Not in your flowers or chocolate, but from deep inside. Hugs your kids extra tight, and remember not only how much you love them, but how you are their everything. (a post I'm working on for tomorrow will reinforce that!)

 

Happy Valentines Day! I heart you for checking in to read my word vomit!

XOXO,

Brook

Guest Story: Did I really just do that?

As a mom, there are moments we are really proud of, and moments we would rather re-do. Unfortunately, the moments that didn't go so well are those that stick with us forever. If you ask any mom, she'll be able to tell you a hand full of times in which she would have made a different decision. Like the time you set your infant on the chair and walked away to take a picture, and BOOM, off she goes! Or the time that you chose not to buckle your son in the high chair, and when you turned your back to finish lunch, he threw himself out and plummeted to the ground. Or the time you let your child have your iphone unsupervised, and when you walked back in the room they were watching "Gothic Dora", complete with swear words and...a goth Dora. Enough said.

The other day, I got an email from a good friend who has three boys. She's a saint. Having two boys is hard enough, but three could throw any normal person overboard! She shared a story with me that you all need to hear. Not so we can judge her ( remember this post? ) but so that you can understand that you are not alone! Or maybe I want to share it because it makes me feel like I am not alone! I've had my fair share of 'seriously, Brook?!' moments, so when someone else shares one with me, I like it.

Confessions Of A Proud Mom Moment....

Background: I took the boys to an indoor play park. My friend told me it can be hard to see your kids at all times with the tunnels and walls. So I was smart and dressed all 3 boys alike. We get there and thankfully there are only 3 or 4 other moms with their kids there so it's not busy at all. I asses the area and there is only 1 way to get in and out. The girl behind the desk has no idea what is going on as she continues to read her book.

 

Situation: Things are going great until Easton (3) says "I have to go potty." When a potty training child says they have to go there is no holding it. My reaction is "Spencer (4) keep an eye on Nolan (1), I'm taking Easton to the bathroom."  When we got into the bathroom I thought, did I really just leave my 4 year old in charge of my 1 year old?!?! While in the bathroom Easton tells me not only does he need to pee but he also needs to poop. Great! I continue to think about what is going on outside of the bathroom. Has Nolan fallen and cracked his head open? Did one of those other moms think Nolan is just to cute and decided to take him?!?! I didn't prepare Spencer for this. I should have told him to start yelling if someone tried to touch them. WHAT WAS I THINKING!???!! Finally Easton is done and we rush back out and what does Spencer say to me?? "Mom I lost Nolan I can't find him!" WHAT!!!! Why did I leave a 4 year old in charge of a 1 year old ....what was I thinking?! Oh my gosh I'm going to have to tell the police officer what he looks like. Thankfully I can show them what he was wearing as I have 2 more with the same outfit on. Where could he be? I start doing the doing the panicked run around but you don't want everyone to know your panicked just yet search for him. I send Spencer up the tree to look for him and what feels like an hour but I'm sure is only minutes later I heard Spencer yell "I found him mom he's up here!" Oh THANK GOD! I don't have to try and explain to Ryan how I lost our 1 year old because I put our 4 year old in charge.

 

Reality: I know I should have done the smart mom thing and taken them all with me in the bathroom. For sure the next time....maybe....

Now I know this mom is not alone. There are other moms out there who have done this same exact thing. You make such a quick decision, and then...there's no going back! It's not like she could then leave Easton in the bathroom alone to go grab the others! You do what you can do at the time, right?!

 

Some days, I feel like mom of the year. But most days, I don't. Some of us yell, some of us leave them alone with markers, some of us give them a sippy full of curdled milk, and some of us don't put the crib rail down soon enough. I may or may not have done everything listed above. It's all in a days work. It's motherhood. It's hard, but we do what we can. Just keep truckin'.

No, it's not Mother's Day yet but I still love my mommy

Moms are pretty amazing, huh?! No, I'm not talking about being a mom, but that's pretty great too. I'm talking about having one. Recently, a few people I know have lost their moms. I can't imagine for one second what that must be like. It makes my heart ache when the thought even enters my mind. In fact, one day as I was driving, I started to think about how often I call or text my mom---I tell her everything. She knows when I have a bad day at work, when I'm excited about something, or when I need help making a decision. And then I started to bawl. I've done this more than once (I do this thinking about my best friend too...a post on her someday soon :) ) .... but it's made me think a lot about my mom, and how thankful I am for her. I was especially reminded of the fact this week, when I was sooo sick. And so were my kids. And who came to the rescue?...mi madre!

 

In college I studied families a lot. In depth about families, which gave me a lot of time to reflect on my own. I wrote papers applying terms and techniques about my own family. Let me tell you--- that was a hot mess. I over analyzed, critiqued, and blamed who I was on my parents. Isn't that what therapy college is for??

But as I've grown, in age and maturity, I often think back at how little I really knew about moms in general.  I knew I really wanted to be a mom. And that I really loved mine. But beyond that, I had no idea how every single decision that she made in life, had me in mind. Like every. single. decision. I know this now, because I have that same thing times 4. No decision is small anymore. It impacts my whole family in some way. I had no idea how even when I was in my thirties, my mom would still come make me homemade chicken noodle soup when I was sick. And she totally did that for me this week.

 

Mom's get a day of recognition, as they should. But for the amount of crap that we put our moms through, the holiday should be like once a month.

I know that being my mom isn't always easy. I'm REALLY emotional. Which can be super fun, if I'm laughing. But when I'm crying, it's probably not very fun. And I know that being a mom to P, H, M and E isn't always easy either. But there is no doubt that it's worth every single hardship in the world, because they are my life. They are my everything. And to my mom, I'm her everything...which is why it's okay that she makes me soup when I'm an adult and a mom of four. It's because that's what moms do. They do whatever they can.

XOXO, Mommy. Thank you for all you do! I love you to poochey dunoochies house and back, with legos on the porch.

~Brook

Mornings Suck

 

I started this post early last week. The flu kicked my butt big time this past week. So I'll pick up where I left off... 

Last night, I went to bed at 7:15. I had a fever, cough and sore throat. I knew that I couldn't miss work today-- I had a grant to submit and a two hour lecture to give.

I woke up, and yup, still felt terrible. I popped some meds and downed some cough syrup, jumped in the shower and tried to stay positive.

Then the kids woke up.

Mad Mike, he was all good. Did just what I said and was pleasant.

Then Miss P got up. She did the same--got dressed (backwards, because it was wear your clothes backwards day at school).

Next was Baby E. She threw herself every which way as I wrangled her to get her diaper changed and clothes on. She screamed and yelled, "No, Mama! I do it!" All while I have the sweats, am freezing, can't really talk because my throat hurts, and what I really want is to go back to bed.

Then Hudson. He started crying the minute he got up. Which isn't abnormal, he's just like that. After trying to negotiate with an almost three year old, I finally just pinned him down and dressed him while he was still in his bed. He continued to cry. And scream. And whine.

At this time, by body hurts and I just want my mommy. But I started the coffee and pulled up my big girl undies.

Hudson made his way half way down the stairs, continuing to cry scream. I just ignore him and brush everyones teeth. Everleigh throws a fit again and I pin her down on the counter to scrub those teefers. Finally, I see H make his way all the way into the kitchen. It's a lovely sight. One I'm sure you've seen plenty times, as a mom.

 

I do hair, gather backpacks and all the normal morning stuff that you have to do when you're a mom. The entire time, Hudson is screaming his head off. By this time, I've asked him what he wants and why he's crying. I've yelled at him to stop. I've just ignored him. And then, I pulled the trick I love to hate. I'm leaving without you, buddy. See ya. And I packed up the other three kids in the van. I was in tears myself. Didn't he know how sick I was? How I didn't have time for this? How I HATE spending a morning without any positive interaction with my kiddos?? It was breaking my heart. And, I just felt like crap.

 

I did go back in and get H. He went to day care without a coat on that day. I'm gonna take a guess that the temp was about 5 that day. Yep. Don't worry--the van was pretty toasty. We'd been waiting on the stinker a while.

We finally pull out of the driveway and I realized that I never got Miss P breakfast! Back in and throw a waffle in the toaster. What a sweet breakfast. A plain Ego waffle. (Reason #427 why I'm not super-mom!)

Mornings suck. Once and a great while, we have a really good morning. This clearly, wasn't one of them. I try my hardest to be on my best mommy behavior in the mornings especially. I want to set a good tone for the day, and I want to send them to daycare/school with positive thoughts of the morning. But sometimes, it just doesn't work out that way, I guess.