Mom Judgers

 
Do you remember before you were a mom when you'd see that child running through the isles at Target and think, I will NEVER let my child do that!? Or you see a mom giving in to the candy bar at the checkout and you think--I would never let my child manipulate me like that. Or the mom who tells her child, if you do that one more time, we are leaving! And then never leaves. ?? Or what about the 3 year old with a nuk. Okay, not gonna lie, I still judge people who do that. That's just not okay.

  But the truth is, we all do things we say we will never do. It's so easy when you're watching from the sidelines. Just last night I heard two loud screams and then crying from upstairs. Guess what I did. Nothing. I just carried on about my business, cleaning up after dinner. Then I thought-- 3 years ago, I would have busted a move up the stairs to see what was wrong! Now, I ignore it. If I would have watched another mom ignore screams from her 5 and 3 year old four years ago, I would have totally thought, "I can't believe she's not doing something about that!!"-- now...it's normal. If I jumped up every time a child screamed or cried, I'd be jumping 892 times a day. (Wow, maybe I could do that instead and count it as exercise)

So many of us said, 'I will never let my child sleep with me!' Umm, yah, ok. When you've gotten up 17 times in a row, and you have to get up in 4 hours to go to work, sometimes it just doesn't matter. Last night, one of the twins was coughing and coughing and coughing. He was crying out for me...but he'd had medicine, cold water, the humidifier was on...there wasn't much else to do. But I wanted to say words that started with EEFF every time he yelled out for me. So after an hour or so of that business, I told him he could lay with us. And then....he coughed really hard, and threw up. On me. And so... it was midnight, and I had puked up spaghetti in my hair. It was lovely.
No, my children don't sleep with us on a regular basis by any means...it's only when I just can't get my ass out of bed one last time. It's when I'm desperate because I know I have a huge important meeting in the morning and I'm going to look like poop on a stick and need toothpicks to keep my eyes open...then I give in and say, FINE. Just get in mommy and daddy's bed. ---which still means you aren't going to get a good nights sleep, right?! I mean, who are we kidding?!

Do you remember wondering why on earth your friend, a mom, wouldn't want a night away?! Come on, it's not that hard to leave your child with Grandma for one night. Yaaaahh. WAY easier said than done. It's not that I didn't trust my mom with her...it was that I thought about all the things baby might be thinking. Where's my mom? I need her! I want her boobies. I miss my mommy! Is she ever coming back? --AND, I also worried about my mom. Two of the four were monster babies. Cried all of the time. All the time.

I totally used to judge other moms. NICE bowl hair cut on the little boy. I will not let my child look like that--why is your child wearing pajamas...in public??!! And you're taking your kid to McDonalds...again?! Come on! Just because you have kids doesn't mean you can be late to everything. Yup, I was a judger.

Having four children so close together has really changed me. I'm a different mom now. Sometimes I think I was a better mom when I just had one child. But I also think it's because I'm an absolute control freak who always has to follow through on every thought, rule or idea. And with life like this, you just can't. I've gotten much  more laid back. If you don't feel like eating all your broccoli tonight, eh, who cares. If you want to wear the same pajamas two nights in a row even though I just watched you wipe snot on your arm, oh well. And now...when I see other moms, I have the ability (more so than I did before) to think about 1) how it really doesn't matter what anyone looks like (bowl hair cut or not) and 2) I have no idea what's going on in their life that fed into the decision they just made. "Never judge a man's actions until you know his motives"  I'm sure people judge me for decisions I make, clothes I wear, or the way I raise my children. But nobody understands what life is like for us, and that I make the decisions that work best for us in that moment.

It's really easy to utter the words, "I would never do that"...but the minute you do, I swear God makes sure he will be teaching you a lesson real soon. Especially when you've got toddlers in the house...you just know you've got it coming!

I can't be the only one who did a little mom judging back in the day. (and maybe even yesterday. I like big butts and I cannot lie) But the truth is, until you're in that exact situation, sleep deprived, in a fight with your husband, have worked 50 hours and are on a diet......you don't know what it's like. Give the mom some slack (unless her 4 year old has a nuk. Judge away. Judge away, people...just kidding. Not) All moms want what's best for their children...and it might not be the decision you'd make, but that's okay. It's not yours to make.

XOXO,
Mama Bergie

Mom Guilt

First of all, do Dad's have Dad guilt? Really, do they? My baby daddy is sleeping, I can't ask him if he gets Dad guilt. You know Mom guilt the minute you give birth. It's the incredible, my kids will remember this and resent me forever guilt, every time you choose you over them.
 
Believe me when I say that I totally think your children should come first. Most of the time. If you don't ever put yourself first, you will totally and completely lose you. And your kids need YOU! This means taking time to do whatever you love. Go out for happy hour, scrapbook, run, read a book about bondage (I have yet to read Fifty...I will, I swear!), sit in a coffee shop alone, go to a movie with your bestie...whatever it is, do what makes you happy. I'm not saying every day; let's be real. But once and a while. You gotta do you.

Sounds pretty good, huh? Take time for you. Simple enough. AHEM. Yah. Simple Shmimple. Then why almost every time I do one of those things do I feel this overwhelming guilt? I feel like because I work full time, my non-working time should be spent with them!  They grow so fast and they need me. I'm the best. Shit won't get done like it should if I'm not home. And heaven for bid they are 5.5 minutes off of their routine!! Yes, I am a bit of a control freak. But that's nether here nor there.

Anyway...how do you get the balance? I remember when Paisley was small. It was the same thing! I guess I can say that it's gotten easier over the years...but I think it's because now I need the break. With one child, you don't need the break like you do with four. I promise.
See...she screamed when I would leave.

 

And now-- I have one who screams "Up mommy!" the second I walk in the door. I seriously feel guilty for dropping the kids off at the pool after work. No, not literally. Google that shit. No pun intended. But really. She makes me feel so bad. She just wants her mommy!! It's hard being away all day and only having 2-3 hours at night with them!

 

 

AND THEN....I'm suppose to make time to work out?? We can't afford a gym membership, so the hubs and I attend "Average Joes Craig's" in our basement. If you don't know what movie that's from, then we can't be blog friends. Google that shit too.

So, as I try to get rid of the 756 pounds I have to lose, and just get healthier, I head down to exercise. And when I do that...this is what I get. (a very patriotic toddler begging for me to hang out with her)

 

 

Actually, the truth is, the first thing I get is a poopy diaper. I don't know what it is, but EVERY SINGLE time I go down to work out, someone poops. And it stinks. I've tried to ignore it and finish the workout, but you just can't. As I'm gasping for air, I'd prefer clean-ish air, not air that smells like ass.

 

But after the poop, I get more of this...

 

 

Okay, I can hardly do my leg lifts and crunches lifting my own weight. And then a lovely, sweet, cute little girl plops on me. How can you not give in to that?? I just feel bad. Again, she wants her mommy! I've been gone all day, and now I'm choosing to work out over playing with her?! It gives me major mom guilt. I get it, I know....I'm setting a good example for the kids, I'm happier, healthier, blah blah blah. But it doesn't mean it's easy.

 

Whether it's making a date night with Craig (which literally happened ONE time in 2012. Sad. Very sad.), a girl's night out, working out, or even taking Paisley to dance and leaving the other ones home-- I just feel bad.

I know I need to suck it up...but I swear, when that embryo implants, so does Mom guilt.

 

And speaking of feeling guilty-- I need to teach you all a lesson so you never feel the worst guilt. Way worse than leaving your kiddos to 'do you' guilt....

Check for hair that could be wrapped around your child's toe!! Yes, I'm serious! Everleigh had a hair wrapped around her toe for about two weeks, and I didn't notice. How do you not notice that your child's toe is dying?!?! Well, I didn't. I had no clue. And luckily...baby girl and her toe are now fine... but this mommy is scarred for life.

 

 

 

I'm still going to try to make time for things other than my children, but I'm probably still going to bitch about how hard it is. At least with my bestie and the blog readers, anyway. If you happen to have the magic pill to make it go away, hook a sista up.

 

~B to the R to the O O K (Golly Gee, I love being gangsta)

 

After all this typing....I really am wondering if guys feel this way? They don't feel guilty when they dutch-oven you, so they probably don't. I don't know.

Super-Mom

I know this is going to be hard to believe, but I really am not "super-mom". Yes, I have four children really close together in age, work full time, and manage to blog about our life here and there. But that really doesn't mean I'm a super-mom, as I've been called a time or twenty.

Don't get me wrong, I'd like to consider myself a good parent. I'm really confident (thus far) that I'm doing a good job. I have a career that has given me uber experience, education and training in child development and parenting. I love helping people become better parents. I give a lot of parents a lot of advice on parenting issues---do I take all the advice myself?? Most of it, I actually do. But the truth is...I'm not perfect. (GASP!)

Number one, I have a husband. Not just any husband, but one who is a really good dad. He changes diapers. A lot of diapers. You'd die if you saw how many poopy diapers happen in our house. He does art projects with the children, and I don't even tell him to! He puts hair in pigtails and gives baths. He does 75% (he'd say 99%) of our laundry. The point is, I have help. He is a great dad, even when he does let the kids eat too many treats and forces them to call him G-Money. :)

Even though most of the time I execute discipline techniques as they should be done, guess what...sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm so mad that I just scream at the children. More than once I've yelled so loud that my throat hurt. Am I proud of that? Not one bit, but it happened--and chances are, it will happen again. I've kicked toys across the room because I can't handle the mess. I've told the kids not to call me 'mom' because I don't want to be a mom today! See...none of those things a super-mom would do. None of those things are super. But all of those things are part of being a mom.

Sometimes, I walk right past the crumbs on the floor because I just simply can't bend over to pick up one more effing thing. Do you realize the mess you have feeding a 1 year old, two 2 year olds, a 5 year old and a 33 year old? Ooops, just kidding, honey. Maybe. I'm not going to lie--after working 8ish hours, coming home and heading straight into the kitchen, then eating---where let's be honest-- I'm up more than I am down because of the constant requests for more water, a napkin, seconds on the amazing meal I just slaved over, etc.....at the end of it all, I clean up, and that's it. When I go to actually play with the kids...I don't really care when I walk past that carrot (or tonight, the chips!) on the floor. I pray my dog will eat it. Which doesn't happen. It's disgusting sometimes.  But there comes a time when I just don't feel like it. I'm sure my husband wishes I 'felt like it' more (in more ways than one)-- but too bad, so sad. See....a super mom would totally clean up food that she clearly saw on the floor. And sometimes, this mom doesn't. I'll get it tomorrow.

There are lots of other non super momish things I've done. I let my kids listen to Nicki Manaj and I think it's super cute when my one year old sings, "Super Bass". Instead of engaging in conversation, I've just nodded and said, "cool", when I am being told some make believe story--because I'm reading my facebook newsfeed instead. I've passed down my freakish anxiety of being late to Paisley and she now yells at the boys saying "Don't make me late for school you two!!" I've let my kids eat without washing their hands after playing outside. I'm actually okay if they eat dirt. It doesn't bother me. And this one time (at band camp), I shut the lights off and shut the door to the basement and didn't realize until about 3 minutes later when I heard a faint cry that Everleigh was still down there. Mom of the year right here.

So if you know me, and you've called me a super-mom before, I'm sure you now see otherwise. I'm just a normal person. Yes, I know more than the average on child development and positive discipline. I work two jobs and am really busy. I probably have more kids than many of you, and I post pictures on a blog. I'd like to think that my kiddos are respectful, polite and overall, really happy kids. I'm really proud of them, and I'm really proud of Craig and I, and the way we parent 97.2% of the time. But by no means am I superior to any of the other moms out there. Sometimes...I hate facebook and social media for that reason. You only see what people want you to see---they post all of these perfect pictures and all these great things they are doing with their children. It makes us feel abnormal when we just don't want to create some massive art project from Pinterest or guilty that the kids are three and we haven't (heaven for bid) taken them to Disney yet (which do not get me started on over-indulgence!) So know this--you might see my facebook pictures, or even my family blog and think....wow, she's super mom. But now you know better. I'm a mom of super kids, that's what I am. Yah, that's it! You could call me super-kid-mom.

For reals. I'm just a normal mom, who happens to have a crazy bunch of little kids. They make life beyond hectic and beyond beautiful. I try my best. Some days, I'm great. Some days, I suck at being a mom. It all evens out in the wash (that my husband will do).

In our house, we leave the super to Grover. For it is I, Super Grover! And I am cute too!

Remember when...

WELCOME!! Welcome to Confessions from the Bergie Bunch! I've heard from many of the followers on  my other blog and you all loved reading about the chaos in our home. I think it made some of you thankful you only have one or two kids. And for some of you, you're thinking, "thank the Lord, someone else is going through this too!" Whatever the reason...thanks for reading!

The number one question I get, and I get it a lot, is, "how do you do it?" I'm not going to answer that today. I mean, you have to stick around to get the good stuff. Today's first post is a look back. How can we get into the dirt on raising kiddos and staying somewhat sane without looking back?


Remember when you drove a non-minivan? Ah, yes. Those were the days. Bumping to some Britney or Nelly with your windows rolled down. When you pulled up next to a guy, you got the guy nod. Now, I turn the music up to drown out the four children piled in the dirty, crumb-filled mini-van. I pull up to the stop light, but instead of checking out the guys next to me, I'm reaching and stretching to grab the toy that was dropped, or I'm doing the wheels on the bus motions. Yup. Good stuff.

Remember when you didn't have to talk in code? Remember when you could talk bad about other people and not have to spell their names? You could actually say words, not s-h-i-t. The best is when they say, "Mom, what does s-e-x spell?"

Remember when you looked like a house because you were pregnant...with twins?! (No? It's okay, just pretend)

And remember when you were in labor, pushing those two 7 pound babies out naturally...and your really funny husband decided to pretend to be catching a ball?? OH, you're not that lucky?? Sorry.

(You're right, thanks for noticing. I have no knees. What's that called? A Thalf? A Thnee?)

Remember when you went out on the weekends because you could actually stay up past 10:00, and the highlight of your night was drinking for $5.00 per cup , not watching Dateline (and then thinking for sure that a random person was going to kidnap your kids)? Remember how you didn't have to worry about anything except  how you were going to get home that night?

Well...my friends may have had to worry that I would find the worst dancer on the floor and bust a move with them. But that's neither here nor there. I digress.

Remember when you slept through the night? That was amazing. And so underrated. I miss you, sleep.

Remember when you could jump and not pee? Okay fine. Maybe you can still do this. Good for you. Four kids in four years, enough said.

Remember when you could keep your silverware drawer unlocked, your scissors on the table and your lotion on the counter? Such simple things in life that are no longer simple anymore. When you have twin toddlers who can master any lock and use a laundry basket to reach waaaaay up high, you miss the simple pleasure of keeping lotion in a normal spot.

Remember when you did fun stuff with your husband...because you could? Because that's what you did...fun stuff. You went out to eat and talked (unless you're married to my husband), you took mini-vacays and never missed the Brewers home opener!

Ahhhh. Remembering all of those things that change so significantly when you have children. And even more so, when you have so many children! In the last 5 years, my life has changed SO much. And you know what...for years, I prayed for this exact thing. Minus the no sleep. Who would pray for less sleep?? That's just stupid. But for real, I prayed for four children. I wanted chaos and a minivan suburban full of kiddos. So I guess my dreams came true?! 

Even though so much changes, and its so cliche, I'd for sure rather watch my kiddos have a living room dance party than watch my old ass trying to dance in a bar after 10 drinks.

So for all of you moms needing a night out-- do it. Take a night out. Go remember why it's a better idea to watch Dateline on a Friday night.

And it's okay to think about what use to be. As long as you never forget that what you have now is better.  And no doubt about it...this is better.