Mom Judgers

 
Do you remember before you were a mom when you'd see that child running through the isles at Target and think, I will NEVER let my child do that!? Or you see a mom giving in to the candy bar at the checkout and you think--I would never let my child manipulate me like that. Or the mom who tells her child, if you do that one more time, we are leaving! And then never leaves. ?? Or what about the 3 year old with a nuk. Okay, not gonna lie, I still judge people who do that. That's just not okay.

  But the truth is, we all do things we say we will never do. It's so easy when you're watching from the sidelines. Just last night I heard two loud screams and then crying from upstairs. Guess what I did. Nothing. I just carried on about my business, cleaning up after dinner. Then I thought-- 3 years ago, I would have busted a move up the stairs to see what was wrong! Now, I ignore it. If I would have watched another mom ignore screams from her 5 and 3 year old four years ago, I would have totally thought, "I can't believe she's not doing something about that!!"-- now...it's normal. If I jumped up every time a child screamed or cried, I'd be jumping 892 times a day. (Wow, maybe I could do that instead and count it as exercise)

So many of us said, 'I will never let my child sleep with me!' Umm, yah, ok. When you've gotten up 17 times in a row, and you have to get up in 4 hours to go to work, sometimes it just doesn't matter. Last night, one of the twins was coughing and coughing and coughing. He was crying out for me...but he'd had medicine, cold water, the humidifier was on...there wasn't much else to do. But I wanted to say words that started with EEFF every time he yelled out for me. So after an hour or so of that business, I told him he could lay with us. And then....he coughed really hard, and threw up. On me. And so... it was midnight, and I had puked up spaghetti in my hair. It was lovely.
No, my children don't sleep with us on a regular basis by any means...it's only when I just can't get my ass out of bed one last time. It's when I'm desperate because I know I have a huge important meeting in the morning and I'm going to look like poop on a stick and need toothpicks to keep my eyes open...then I give in and say, FINE. Just get in mommy and daddy's bed. ---which still means you aren't going to get a good nights sleep, right?! I mean, who are we kidding?!

Do you remember wondering why on earth your friend, a mom, wouldn't want a night away?! Come on, it's not that hard to leave your child with Grandma for one night. Yaaaahh. WAY easier said than done. It's not that I didn't trust my mom with her...it was that I thought about all the things baby might be thinking. Where's my mom? I need her! I want her boobies. I miss my mommy! Is she ever coming back? --AND, I also worried about my mom. Two of the four were monster babies. Cried all of the time. All the time.

I totally used to judge other moms. NICE bowl hair cut on the little boy. I will not let my child look like that--why is your child wearing pajamas...in public??!! And you're taking your kid to McDonalds...again?! Come on! Just because you have kids doesn't mean you can be late to everything. Yup, I was a judger.

Having four children so close together has really changed me. I'm a different mom now. Sometimes I think I was a better mom when I just had one child. But I also think it's because I'm an absolute control freak who always has to follow through on every thought, rule or idea. And with life like this, you just can't. I've gotten much  more laid back. If you don't feel like eating all your broccoli tonight, eh, who cares. If you want to wear the same pajamas two nights in a row even though I just watched you wipe snot on your arm, oh well. And now...when I see other moms, I have the ability (more so than I did before) to think about 1) how it really doesn't matter what anyone looks like (bowl hair cut or not) and 2) I have no idea what's going on in their life that fed into the decision they just made. "Never judge a man's actions until you know his motives"  I'm sure people judge me for decisions I make, clothes I wear, or the way I raise my children. But nobody understands what life is like for us, and that I make the decisions that work best for us in that moment.

It's really easy to utter the words, "I would never do that"...but the minute you do, I swear God makes sure he will be teaching you a lesson real soon. Especially when you've got toddlers in the house...you just know you've got it coming!

I can't be the only one who did a little mom judging back in the day. (and maybe even yesterday. I like big butts and I cannot lie) But the truth is, until you're in that exact situation, sleep deprived, in a fight with your husband, have worked 50 hours and are on a diet......you don't know what it's like. Give the mom some slack (unless her 4 year old has a nuk. Judge away. Judge away, people...just kidding. Not) All moms want what's best for their children...and it might not be the decision you'd make, but that's okay. It's not yours to make.

XOXO,
Mama Bergie