Hungry?

Why do children feel the need to eat everything? Okay. I do actually know the answer to this. I’m just asking a rhetorical question. But my LAWD.

The other day we found Everleigh with an empty bottle of ‘stress aroma’. It was a smallish bottle, but nonetheless, it was gone. We don't know where it went, but given the aroma on her FACE, we had some idea. Honestly, I don't know where it even came from. It’s not something I ever bought, nor do I ever remember seeing it. But she had it. And her lips and our bedroom floor were stress free, let me tell you.

Then this morning, I grabbed another tube of toothpaste from Ev. It was wet, and almost gone. I promise we feed our children—but by the way they all (minus P) eat toothpaste, you’d think they were starving. I can’t afford $3.00 for a tube of toothpaste to last 2 days because these fools love to eat it.

My kiddos have eaten their fair share of Vaseline, butt paste, wet toilet paper from the toilet, crayons, candles, floam, leaves, aaaaand garbage. Food n stuff, straight from the trash can. The best was coffee grounds. Because everyone has time to clean that up and get the kids ready and to work on time! One of them has even eaten...dog poop. Yep. She snagged some from the yard and took a taste. BARF! Because how do you even begin to make sure it's all out of a one year olds mouth? Grossest. Thing. Ever.

 

 

My first child challenged me in many ways, but eating everything she shouldn't...... she let me have a free pass on that one. Then number 3 and 4 came along. They took putting everything in their mouth to the extreme. I understand that when the kids are older, life will still be difficult. But promise me it will be less gross?! And that I won't have to worry all of the non-edible things becoming edible to the Bergie bunch. Mmmkay, thanks.

 

I really don't do anything...

The other day I met my good friend from college for dinner. We talked about how much we miss each other, and that we really need to get together more often. She has two children, the same ages as Paisley and the twins. She works full time and has a busy life too. As we sat there talking, we both kept saying, "I don't do anything" in reference to our lives.

And, it's true. I really don't go out. I hardly ever do dinner dates. Hell, I never do dates with my husband. I never go see a movie. I just don't really do anything.

So as we parted ways that night, I said, "Let's just get together tomorrow with the kids, we aren't doing anything."

The next day came. I worked a half day. When I got home, I played with the kids for a bit, then I worked out. Then I showered. Then I thought about everything else that had to be done that day. I had to grocery shop, get the twins hair cut and color Easter eggs with the kids. I wasn't sure I would even get all of that in before bed time, never mind getting together with friends.

I wasn't lying when I told my friend that I don't do anything, because I really feel like I don't. But it was that day I realized, when I had to text her to tell her we couldn't get together because I actually really did have a lot do to. It's called LIFE.

I have groceries to get, dinners to make, clothes to watch, huge messes to clean, work to do, treadmills to run, kids to chase, toilets to clean, legos to pick up, kids to bathe, forts to build, rooms to clean and life to live.

I can't tell you how many times I've told people, "I don't do anything." The truth is, I'm always doing something! And it's not grabbing drinks for happy hour or meeting up with my personal trainer, that's for sure.

The stuff I'm doing is this.....

 

Raising my family. It's a lot of work. A lot. And it means 99.7% of the time, I'm doing something. And in that .03% of the time that I'm not. I like it that way.

Thankfully for me, my friends really do understand what life is life for a working mother of four. It's not that I don't try to make time for each and every one of them. It's just that if I made time for them each one every single month, I'd never be home. I have a lot of friends, y'all.

I know life won't always be like this. I won't always have to cut dinner into tiny pieces and clean up food on the floor, refill glasses of milk 500 times a day, change diapers, clean pee up off the floor (well...maybe), and run around like a crazy lady.

Some day, I'll wonder, hmmm what should I do tonight? Rather than, how in the hell am I going to get all of this done tonight?!

And in the mean time, I'm going to stop saying 'I do nothing' and say, ' I do nothing fun.' Well, that's not true either, because being with my kiddos is pretty dang fun. They say the funniest crap and do the silliest things ever. If only we had a maid.

I'm going to do dinner dates with my friends as much as I can, and be okay with the fact that this is my life. I'm blessed to have this cccrrraaaaaazzzzyyy life, and friends who understand.

 

~Brook

Red Light , Green Light

Whining, throwing fits, defying, not cleaning up, not listening, blah blah blah. It's life with kiddos, right? Since I posted "Operation Mommy Stop Yelling" on our family page, I've gotten several emails asking about the stop light.

First and foremost, the stop light works because it's a visual for the children. Kids need that. It's hard for them to remember what happened five seconds ago in terms of behavior, so seeing something visual helps remind them.

You can make the stop light how ever you want. We put ours on the fridge and made magnets with each child's initial on it. You'll notice Everleigh does not have one. She's too young for this...redirection is the method that works best at this point for her.

This is how the stop light works in our house:

Every day, you start on green. Green means that you are behaving as expected. We use lots of praise for being on green. You can also provide a reward for staying on green all day. We don't do that in our house because I'm a mean mom because green is expected, but for some families with more severe behavior issues, rewarding with something for all day on green is a good idea.

Yellow is a warning. I say to my children, "If you don't stop ___, then I will place you on yellow." If they do (or don't do) it, then I move the magnet. You HAVE to follow through! Do not continue to warn them or threaten them. This is why you have the stop light in the first place...so you can stop yelling/nagging/reminding them! One warning is enough. The more warnings you give, the more opportunities they have to test you.

If they misbehave again, you calmly place them on red. Typically, the sheer fact that the magnet (or whatever) is moved to red is devastating enough. However, you need to have a plan in place as to what happens when they get to red. And most importantly, they need to understand what this is and what this means before you start with this system.

For us, red means either sitting in a time out, getting something taken away, or not being able to do something fun.

I'm a huge believer in natural and logical consequences (post on that soon--it's my favorite discipline technique)--- so I find a consequence that is as closely tied to the misbehavior as possible.

If they aren't playing nicely with a toy-- I'd take the toy away.
If they are hitting-- I'd place them in a time out.
If they aren't cleaning up-- then I'd take those toys away.
If they are writing a big "H" on the wall (ahem)-- then they'd scrub the wall, and not be able to use pencil's for the rest of the day.

Do you see how the consequence is directly linked to the misbehavior in most cases? And when you can't link it, like sassing, hitting, etc, then I give a time out.

You can choose whatever consequence works best for your family, as long as you always follow through! Well, not whatever. Slapping them across the face really isn't a good idea, even if you do feel like it.
Again, the less yelling and negotiating, the better. DO NOT ask your child if they want to be placed on yellow or red. Give them a choice--- you stop doing ___ (or do ____ ) OR you will be placed on red. They decide if they want to make the "right" choice, and you follow through on what they decide.

Tonight, after two poor choices, Mad Mike's magnet looked like this.

And he had to sit in a time out. And to my surprise, he completed the time out and then apologized to us for taking his underwear off, whipping them at his dad, and yelling NO!

You might find that the stop light works for a period of time. We typically keep ours up for a couple of months, then we take it down for a while. When I find myself feeling frustrated, I put it back up. Yes, it's a tool for children to visually see their behavior, but it's also a tool to guide parents as well.

If I didn't answer your questions about the stop light, just leave me a comment and I'll do my best!
Good luck and I hope it helps!

~Brook

What's in my bag?

Noun
purse (plural purses)

1. A small bag for carrying money.
   • 1550 Mierdman, Steuen, The market or fayre of usurers

     And then muſt many a man occupie as farre as his purſe would reache, and ſtretche out his legges accordynge to the length of his couerlet.

2. (US) A handbag (small bag usually used by women for carrying various small personal items)

A SMALL bag for carrying MONEY?!?! Hmmm, Mama Bergie definitely is not adhering to definition number one.

Number two, however, seems to be a fit. I use my bag and carry several personal items. Hardly any of which is money.

Here is what my purse looks like today. I know, I know...you were dying to know.

 

 

I have gum. Who doesn't need gum?

 

I also have a progress report from Paisley's speech therapist. I haven't opened it yet. I should probably do that.

 

There's a Paul Frank notebook. I love that thing and am seriously pissed that one of the kids drew on it. I love Paul Frank and I love note paper! Don't mess with me!

 

And...an invitation to a birthday party from a child in Paisley's class. She's going to the party tomorrow. I don't usually just carry around random kid's invitations. 

NEXT...

Glasses. I hate wearing my glasses, and then I love to complain that I can't see. I'm not blind or anything, but people's faces are super blurry to me. At least I carry them with me. I think that counts for something.

I have a baggie 'o wipes. I'm a mother, hello!! Although I love it that recently when I went on a little long road trip with 3 kids, my sister in law and my mother in law...the first one to need the wipes was my MIL. :)

I guess I have a pear, in a baggie. Eww. I'm sure I stuck that in there for lunch or a snack or something one day. The bad news, I can't remember when, and had no idea it was in there. The good news, it's not rotten.

And...my wallet. Plum full of receipts and junk.

NEXT... (yup, still more!)

A rubber band. Ya never know when you'll just need to throw your hair up!

I have texting gloves. A gift from my sister in law. Love them. How in the H do they work? It's like magic! I would love to take these out any day now though. I'm pretty sick of wearing gloves to text while driving. I kid. I kid.

Nail polish remover. I go crazy when my nails are chipped n stuff. I used to be a nail biter...for like 29 years. Actually, I probably didn't bite my nails when I was an infant/toddler. So we'll say 26 years. Anyway....polish helps me from biting...but now I pick. So the remover comes in pretty handy.

And pens. 4 pens and 1 pencil to be exact. I'm pretty shocked because typically when I clean out my purse, on average I have about 9-10 pens in my purse.


NEXT.... the little compartment inside my purse...

Tampons. Who doesn't need tampons? Does anyone else get really grossed out using tampons that are all wrinkled up from being in your purse? I mean, I get that it's just the wrapper and the tampon is fine...but I just don't like it.

Then lip gloss/stick-- I haven't used that lipstick in like 2 years. I do not know why I keep switching it from purse to purse.

Under eye concealer. I have serious black circles under my eyes. They are gross. Therefore, I carry this with me. Not that it helps.

Mascara, just in case...and an eyelash curler...because I cannot go without it. I feel like I'm dead without my eyelashes curled. And I'm sure I look it too.

Powder. Looks like I need to get some new stuff.

I'm actually quite shocked that I didn't find wrappers and crumpled up receipts in there. And you know what I always have in there that I don't today? A diaper!! That must mean that we are close to getting rid of those puppies!

Purses are interesting. They're really interesting when your children can't say their "R" sound too. "Mommy I love your purse" just doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

Now go clean out your purse...you might have a pear in it!

Ain't nobody...

Really  random stuff I feel like confessing...

I just want to confess that sometimes, I look forward to Monday. Don't get me wrong, by Tuesday I'm dying for the weekend to come to be with the fam. But I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes the car ride to work on a Monday morning, sipping my coffee is bliss. And let me tell you, it's going to be even better now that JT's new album is out. Ob. Sessed.

I wish I was a couponing fanatic. I forget those suckers at home. Or they expire before I can use them. Oh, and I have a hard time buying 75 of something at one time....even if I will use it all up in the next two years. For reals though, I wish I was a extreme couponer. But ain't nobody got time fo dat.

Isn't it amazing how great you feel when you feed your body good food and you workout?! It's so weird. I wish I could force myself to work out after the kids go to bed, but this chick is Tie. Eeeerrd. Ain't nobody...

Easter grass is the devil.

I must confess. I wish I would have married someone with dimples. Babies with dimples are the cutest thing in the world. Unlike dimples in other areas. Those suck big ____  .

I must confess, I deleted the last three words of my last sentence and rewrote them about ten times. Then I decided to delete it one last time and insert a fill in the blank instead. I wish I didn't have to be a responsible adult. I can't be second guessing what I want to say. Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

21 things I've learned as a mom

What I've learned as a mom...

1) Don't compare, just be aware! Don't compare your child with his/her siblings or your friend's kids. But BE AWARE. We all think our child is perfect, which prevents some parents from really seeing when things aren't typical. So be observant!  

 

2) Time outs are more effective for parents than children. I love a time out. Time outs go with age, right?! So I should be able to give myself a 31 minute time out. I can't wait to misbehave! But for real, getting a few minutes alone can save a child's life! ;)

3) Twin toddler boys just might be the death of you. OR, at the least, they are good for wrinkles and bags under your eyes. I guess what I've learned is that twin toddler boys make a mom OLD. 

 

4) Your doctor is not a baby-God. Listen to what they say, trust your gut, and do what you feel is best. I promise you that doctors know a lot about the medical side of things, and not as much about 'parenting'. What your doctor says is not the end all be all.

 

5) If your daughter's hair pretty doesn't match her outfit, shoes, undies and coat, the world is not going to end. Yes, people judge you by your children, but it really doesn't matter. 

 

6) The grass isn't always greener on the other side, but it's okay to dream about it. Everyone tells you to live in the moment and cherish the time because before you know it, it's gone. I totally agree. But it's also okay to dream about life with no tantrums, no potty training and no bed time battles. Sure, different struggles will come and you might wish for the younger years back--but you are not a bad parent when you wish for a stage to be over.

7) Whole and 2% Milk curdles really fast. Especially when you have frickin' Houdini's in the house and you find sippies weeks later. Not fun. Those, just toss. It's worth paying $5 for a new sippy.

 

8) It might be hard in the beginning, but it will be easier in the end. This thought applies to everything. Parent like this. In an upside down triangle.

 Set rules and guidelines now, and stick with them. As your child grows, you can loosen the reigns a bit. This is, after you've instilled values, morals, limits... and taught them that you mean what you say. Continue to put vegetables on their plate every single meal. Set up the bedtime routine you want for the future. It's kind of like when they say, dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Parent now, for the kids you want later. 

 

9) Sleep is amazing and I miss it. With all of my heart.

10) Your love of belting out profanity lyrics while bumping in your sweet ride is forever gone. However, mumbling profanity while your children bump each other in the back of the stupid mini van is not gone. I think it's here to stay forever.

11) Single Parents are amazeballs. I couldn't do it alone. Or if I did, I would be way more crabby and my kids wouldn't ever have clean clothes, that's for sure!

12) You do not need to spend $1000 on your baby's crib and changer. You get really mad when they chew on it and leave marks allllll over it. (Yes, mom. You can say 'I told you so')

 

This is one of my all time favs.

 

 

 

13) The way you speak to your children is the way they will speak to you. Period

14) Poop doesn't get better with age. Nor does vomit. But it is a good day when your child figures out how to get both of those inside the toilet.

 

15) Grandparents are amazing. They mean the world to your child, and your child means the world to them. Even though it might drive you crazy, being with them as much as you can is great for them both.

 

16) Let me just follow #15 with, your child will not get sick from not wearing a hat. Grandparents love to tell you that.

 

17) Brushing your child's teeth can look abusive. As can diaper changes at times. Or getting them dressed.

 

18) No matter how hard you try, there is no perfect work/home balance. Some days, I think about work more than my children. There are other days when they are the only thing on my mind.

19) Never try the meat baby food. Never. Unless you like eating ass. Then go for it.

20) A carpet cleaning machine is essential. Those should be standard on a baby registry. So should cleaning ladies. They should get those at Target and Babies R Us. I'd totally give that as a gift. And accept it too.

21) (My favorite number, which is why I just couldn't stop at 20). There is no greater gift in life. No greater love. I love being a mom.
 

Little Thoughts Inside My Head

I wrote a post a little while back about all of the things we said we'd never do as parents.

 But what about those tiny little thoughts in your head that say,
"I'm so glad my child doesn't do that!"
"I'm so glad I don't have to deal with a child like that!"
and my favorite, "I'm so glad my child doesn't act that way!"

Come on, I know I'm not the only one who thinks those things!

Without getting into my professional life too much...in my role, I advocate for positive parenting practices. I like to think I know a lot about children...and parenting them. I'm a confident parent. And I almost always can figure out how to deal with my children (and everyone elses too). And with that said... I will now take my foot out of my mouth.

I've talked with a bazillion parents who are struggling with their children. I help them the best I can, and then think, "WHEW, I'm so glad my kids aren't like that!" You know the Super Nanny?! Yah. That's me. Only I'm not British and I am obsessed with Justin Timberlake. OMG, SNL this weekend?!!! I'm still flustered over him. Ooops, I digress. Back to me, the Super Nanny. As I work with parents who really struggle, I have always felt really good about my parenting skills and the way my children behave.

However. Over the last few weeks, I have found myself questioning so many things! Number one, I never thought my child would wipe his own poo on the walls at three years old. I never thought that my child (whose name will remain nameless but beings with a M) would still be ripping up pages in books at three years old!!
What did I do wrong? Because, again at nap time, today...I found this.

Hey, I get it. I understand that parenting has 5,947,437 challenges. I'm up for them. I just think it's ironic how up until now, I've been in control. I have never once felt like I couldn't handle any power struggle, tantrum, time out,  poop smearing, bronzer smearing, butt paste smearing, vaseline smearing, glue smearing, toothpaste smearing (Dear Lord twins are hard!) situation I've encountered.

This week, I gave a presentation to UW Madison Medicine 3rd year residents. These residents will become family practice doctors or pediatricians in the next year. They're kind of a big deal. Each year, I teach them about discipline and potty training. I prepare them for the questions parents will ask them.

So as I talked about tantrums, one of the doctors asked me how I would handle a child having a tantrum in the store. I gave him the answer, and then immediately thought to myself------

WOW...I have never had one of my children through a tantrum in the store. Ever. My kids sit in the cart. They don't scream for toys. They behave. I've trained them well, followed a schedule, and they have never thrown a fit in a store for me. Deep down inside, I was pretty proud of myself.

So those thoughts, like the one I mentioned above.....they've got to stop. Because guess what happened today when I took all four kids to the grocery store.

 

My lovely three year old screamed and cried and 'walked' on his knees through crowds of people because his drink from the water fountain wasn't long enough. People stopped. People starred. And what did the "professional" do? I got out my camera, duh. Somehow, I forgot to mention that piece to the resident doctors.

 

From now on, every time I hear a horror story about a child. I'm just going to think, "I KNOW that will happen to me someday, and this is my plan..."

 

Because clearly, the second I think my kids shit doesn't stink, they wipe it on the walls.

 

 

XOXO,

Bergie Bunch Mama